Who am I trying to impress?

Nobody.

Therefore I can make a completely superficial list of my (should-be) lovers. Enjoy.

Ryan Gosling (obviously)
Hugh Jackman
Dermot Mulroney
Patrick Dempsey
Josh Hartnett
Orlando Bloom (JH and OB just in for the 14 year old me)
Brandon Routh
Justin Timberlake

Oh yes. Oh, and I'm looking forward to my midterm tomorrow morning by the way.

"and whisper in my ear, that all these years..."

Today I've been a vegetarian for three years. Sometimes I even impress myself. I think when people ask how long I've been a vegetarian I'll feel better saying "three years," I mean, as opposed to two. Not that that makes any sense. It's almost like how I'm hoping to feel better telling people my age when I turn 20.

I was just doing the MSDS information for my lab tomorrow and I only realized after I finished all of it that I blogged earlier with the title Acetic Acid. Therefore I've already done the MSDS info for CH3COOH, and I'm lame. Actually, its more lame that I'm talking about this. And more so that I've said lame twice already. Now three times.

So, I've been trying to figure out my phases. Let's put them in list format:

1. (February 2007) - Okcupid.com

I randomly decided to do a dating website, met a few people, then dropped it.

2. (March 2007) - Ace of Hearts Dog Rescue

Granted, still a little obsessed with this...considering I volunteer every Saturday. But I'm not constantly researching pit bulls like I was for a couple of weeks.

3. (March 2007 Continued) - Rent/House

Rent, the musical. House, the TV series. This was spring break. Also when I started this blog that I haven't told anyone about.

4. (April 2007) - The Notebook/Ryan Gosling/Rachel McAdams

I've seen this movie before. A lot. So I decided to buy it, not knowing that I'd become obsessed. These things happen sometimes. It reminds me of being 14 and in love with Josh Hartnett. Seriously, it was a scary time.
I have to go to bed at some point tonight.

...with my head cut off.

I'm sick of this week.

My boss is sick. And my throat hurts. This quarter is not starting off well. On top of that I haven't found an apartment and I have a midterm tomorrow.

I'm in an awful mood.

Just awful.

the current

I should be finishing up my resume, or sleeping. I think my roommate misses her boyfriend. She's talking to him in her sleep. It makes me want to laugh, but also to cry a little bit.

I've been getting really mad at one of my close friends lately. Granted, I don't say anything about it. Cause I'm a pushover and because I'm passive-agressive, but its grating on my nerves. She forced me to go to breakfast at about 8:30 this morning. I usually wake up at 8:30 to get to a 9:00 class. And see, the extra 15 minutes I have to be awake annoy me more than the two hours I just wasted on the internet. Silly, I know. But there's only so much criticism I can stand from one person.

"Well, maybe if you'd GONE to class."

"You're pretty damn loud yourself."

"I wouldn't know, I don't STALK people."

These are all relatively subtle, and could be construed as jokes. But really, I don't ever feel the need to tell her that she wants me to go to physics simply because she doesn't want to be by herself. And then when we're there she yells at me to pay attention. Now really, isn't it enough that you dragged me out of bed to eat two grapefruit halves that I can pay attention at the times that I want to? And I honestly don't even like breakfast. My stomach is not prepared to be full that early in the morning. Also...the lactose intolerance doesn't help. And oatmeal makes me gag.

I'm going to stop talking at some point, I swear.

Anyway...I'm really hoping to get this job as an education specialist at the zoo. Would that be amazing? I figure I fill some requirements...I work in customer service, I did a lot of theater, and I'm a Biology major. This should help with the attainment of this amazing job right? Right?

Acetic Acid (5%)

I just got a little bit of orange in my eye. At least it woke me up.

You know those nights when you just don't want to get anything done? When you kinda just want to sit around and feel like crap? I wish those nights didn't exist. This would make chemistry so much easier. Instead I'm blogging. How does that make any sense.

I haven't talked to him in a month. This somehow doesn't clue him in to me not liking him. It somehow gives him reason to call me and leave a long voicemail about hanging out. I thought he was supposed to be mature. I personally believe that you only come upon real maturity if you recognize a second party ignoring you as a sign of their deep hatred of you.

So, being 10 years younger than him, I'm still a lot more mature.

It seems insane.

"You never know what you're gonna get."

"I'm not slacking off
Or backing out
Or cracking up with doubt...
I'm working it out."

I missed an important deadline for a great internship at the LA zoo. Boo to me. Now I'm just trying to finish up my physics homework. Boo to physics.

I get less intelligent as the night goes on.

Those People.

You know when you're going through a photo album of pictures of yourself (yes, I know nobody has a photo album specifically of themselves...I'm talking online like myspace or something), and you have this strange sensation that you're looking at someone else? I sound like a complete idiot, but even as you're nodding your head about my idiocy think about it. I'm sure you've felt the same stupid thing at some point or another.

Not the point.

Sometimes I get the reverse sensation. I look at pictures of some really close friends I've had over the years and I feel like I'm looking at myself. And these people might not even be close to me now. I was just looking at pictures of my best friend from elementary school. We've grown apart considerably, but back then we could have been related. I saw her everyday...and maybe my brain replaced my face in the mirror with hers. But we supposedly look quite similar anyway. I make no sense. But I haven't actually seen her in years.

I ran five miles just now. I bet it weirds people out to see a girl jogging and smiling.

How...

How did I get in and not her? How is that even possible? I only applied to two schools in the system...that could be a valid reason. Being accepted by both would be...explainable? She applied to more than four I'm assuming. The system likes to screw us all and only accept into some. I should have told her that.
How was I supposed to know they wouldn't accept her? Her SAT scores were better. Her GPA is better. She's prettier (granted, they don't know that).

What's sad is...I was accepted about two years ago. And I feel like I'm wasting it. I'm wasting it because I have about a 2.8 GPA. I'm wasting it because it took me two tries to pass my second chem class. I'm wasting it because no med school would ever accept me at this rate.

Can I move at a different rate? Is movement even what I'm looking for? Maybe I'm not smart enough. Maybe I'm not motivated at all. But that has to be a lie...cause I got this far didn't I? They had to see something in my lesser GPA and SAT scores.

What the hell does UCLA know? It isn't even an ivy. Who is California to judge?

Oh wait, Los Angeles judges everyone.

It's gotta be close to midnight.

"What's the time?
Well, it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It says, 'time for danger'
It says 'I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
with a stranger'
I've had a knack from my back
At breaking the rules once I learn the games
Get up - Life's too quick
I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance in the flames
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play?
Let's run away
We won't be back
Before it's Christmas Day
Take me out tonight (Meow)
When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That you're on line with the feline of
Avenue B
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna how
Out tonight
In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die
Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight
Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me - out tonight
I'll let you make me - Out tonight
Tonight - Tonight - Tonight"

- Mimi from "Rent"